Working For A Living

 

  

People have repeatedly suggested I could earn a living online. It sounds great at first blush, but then reality hits. Maybe it seems like I am always online because my words are. But I am not.

Life is a constant struggle when you have just ONE of my chronic diseases, it’s tougher yet with several. I lie down in bed for hours at a time, either napping or just breathing through the CPAP for relief. It’s hard to breathe with myasthenia gravis.

Then there’s the pain.  I pretty much hurt all over all of the time. I bet if a “normal” person could take my pain for a day, they would just about go nuts. All I take for it is an 800 mg Motrin 3 or 4 times a day. That mostly keeps my fevers at a semi-bearable level, but does help with the inflammation, too. 

I am VERY weak. Sometimes I go for days without getting my mail or doing my dishes because I just do not have the strength. Some might think I’m lazy. I don’t think so. The second I feel a speck better, I go and overdo it. Sigh…. 

I’ve gotten to be like the little old lady who only buys groceries and goes to church. Now that I am in an apartment, I hardly ever leave. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I don’t have much money and it’s too painful to do much of anything. Many days I just plain do not have the strength to drive. Unless I am taking prednisone or getting IVIg’s, I’m a fairly useless lump. I’ve thought about going back on pred long enough to put in my garden at church. That’s what I did most years in Vermont.

One of the peskiest problems is my ever present double vision. When I lived in Zephyrhills, I got a pair of prism glasses that took away the double vision and queasiness. They were WONDERFUL for a while, but then my vision shifted. Sometimes I have double vision side by side, sometimes stacked and sometimes offset. It’s darn hard to read books and REALLY hard to read cursive.  The computer screen is easiest because the backlighting somehow helps.

With myasthenia, the muscles get better with rest. So, if I can no longer reach my arm out,  I rest for an hour and I’m  back in gear. The same goes for my eye muscles. I can’t read anything for very long and have to give it a rest. Over the years I have figured out how to somewhat balance out my life and get as many of the activities of daily living done as possible. I hop around from napping, to reading to watching BYU,  to cooking,  to lying down, to hanging out on the computer, etc. I try to always have  something to do no  matter the circumstances.

Back when I had congestive heart failure real bad, it was a major achievement to get to the bathroom and back a couple of times a day. Maybe I make it all look too easy? What possesses people to think I can do more than I already am? If I could…I gladly would! Being disabled sucks!!!

The last thing is called brain fog. People with autoimmune diseases know all about it. I will be yakking away and suddenly stop. I have NO IDEA what I was talking about. Then there’s all the times I finally get up to do something,  then wander around for 5 minutes trying to figure out what I was just doing.  Everybody does that sometimes, I do it most of the time. The sicker or hotter I am, the more confused and dopey I am. There is a reason I am on disability…. 

 

  

It’s always interesting to hear the news from another perspective

American Refugees are flooding into Canada:

Tens of thousands of Americans are now economic refugees

 

Read the stories HERE.  Click on the links for the related news stories! I’ve been watching stories on You Tube for a while. Keep praying, store food and water and be prudent financially. We are in for a roller coaster ride…

Somehow I have often been blessed to be the “canary in the coal mine”.  I seem to have all sorts of autoimmune diseases and have been homeless already. I just HAVE to be trendy! My  old postmistress would ask me where I was going on vacation and head in the opposite direction because everywhere I went, a natural (or un-natural) disaster was soon to follow! ;-o

If it happens to me or near me, be afraid….be very afraid….it just hasn’t gotten to you yet ;-) 

You never know what you might be responsible for

Who Needs a Friend?

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.”

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking away, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey, thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books every day!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach . . . but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later, and he was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.

You now have two choices, you can:
1) Pass this on to your friends
or
2) Delete it and act like it didn’t touch your heart.

As you can see, I took choice number 1.


“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

There is no beginning or end.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why we must consider it a present.

Cathartic Moment

 

I was able to sit down and talk to some brethren about the man I am troubled by. It was VERY good to get it out. I cried because I was tired of the mistreatment, glad to be finally listened to and somewhat hopeful that I and other women I have talked to won’t be treated that way again.

I went to my next class and was OK for a bit, but the tears welled up again. I realized it was more than just the problems between me and this man. I have been hurt my whole life by people like this, starting with my father. Babies just naturally love their parents. It must have been very confusing to me to be unloved, mistreated and later repeatedly beaten by my father.

Several times in my life I have been in situations where the man I most trusted and loved was not all that honorable. It hurt. It hurt very deeply. I try to forgive and forget and just keep going, always believing that it was a fluke and I deserve better.

Then along comes a situation that brings back all those old feelings of loss and abandonment and nowhere to turn. I guess that’s why my diagnosis is post traumatic stress. The grief overwhelms me at times. I have a short pity party and then remember to thank God for all that I DO have. And so it goes….

I enjoyed sacrament meeting today. It was full of love and light and awe. The choir and the hymns were great! I liked seeing the women who wore Easter hats I have to admit that I love baking the sacrament bread. I am so extremely honored that I put together the ingredients that are then transformed by the priesthood into the body of Christ. Wow…..

I went to church happy today. I am pretty sure I must have peed out the kidney stone and I have been feeling MUCH better since Friday. I was looking forward to being in church without crying. Then WHAM…the stupid tears poured out yet again. Church seems to be a very emotional place for me.

During sacrament I was thinking about how I felt the first Sunday I showed up and asked to be baptized. After praying and fasting for 3 days and getting my testimony, I was on a spiritual high like never before in my life. The words for the sacrament hit me with great intensity and I burst into tears. I wanted to take sacrament sooooo bad, but didn’t know if it was OK, since I wasn’t a member yet.

I whispered a question to the woman sitting closest to me and she said something positive and encouraging. I took sacrament and cried in gratefulness the entire time. The folks around me must have sensed all the feelings going on, because they all started crying, too. I will never forget how happy and privileged I felt at that moment. I want to always remember that feeling and be grateful when I partake of the body and blood of Christ.

Life is a process. We learn, we grow, we stumble and we get up. Line upon line, precept upon precept we grow in wisdom and understanding. Too often I have gone it alone, not thinking anyone cared about me. I need to learn to ask for what I need….and to pray that they are righteous needs and wants.

I hope that this Easter can be a rebirth of my hope and faith. 

He Is Risen!

“On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, Mary Magdalene and
the other Mary came unto the sepulcher. To their astonishment, the body of
their Lord was gone. Luke records that two men in shining garments stood by
them and said: ‘Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but
is risen.’ (Luke 24:5-6.) Job’s question, ‘If a man die, shall he live
again?’ had just been answered.” Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, Apr 1990, 2