Chemical dependence

It scares me to be dependent on medicines. What would happen to me if I lost my insurance or the world as we know it changed in some fundamental way? Could I stay alive? I’m very grateful that I no longer need supplemental oxygen. Dragging around an oxygen concentrator was a pain. Paying for the extra electricity hurt pretty bad, too ;-p When I was on the road I didn’t always have the money to camp with electricity. I often dealt with that by staying awake at night and running my generator in the day when it was lawful to do so.

If I boondocked without electricity at night, I was often bright red and sick the next day. I thank God for the healing blessing that made my congestive heart failure go away. Even after docs pronounced me CHF free, I was scared to quit oxygen cold turkey…but I did just that. Last August the company who owned the machine came and hauled it away. I’m still alive to talk about it….and in awe.

The last week or two I’ve had to add a new med to my arsenal. I quit taking Claritin and changed to several Benadryls a day. It was either that, or quit trying to breathe through my stuffed up nose. It works better, but makes me sleepier. That’s a good thing right now. I need to sleep and heal.

I’ve been too sick and too hot to drive a mile to the store and get my prescriptions. Today I missed my first Celexa. Only a day without it and I feel darkness creeping in. All the agonies I went through last fall came back to my mind. I need to take an antidepressant. Celexa is not something you can just quit….as I found out in that Missouri field last year.

I’m always surprised how much more my body hurts all over when not taking Celexa. Docs have tried to explain about chronic illnesses and serotonin level. I don’t quite understand it. I used to take a very low dose of an antidepressant for restless legs. I notice the Lyrica commercial emphasizes it is NOT an antidepressant, but a better way to make fibromyalgia hurt less. I hope someday researchers will truly understand why people like me hurt all over and what to do about it.

I have a small cushion of extra Mestinon if something should happen….but what if I can’t get it long term? My eyes would droop shut, I would choke on saliva, water and food constantly and I would barely be able to raise my arms and legs. My voice would turn into raspy croaking. Breathing would be very labored. Fun….NOT!

I keep looking around me and wondering what life would be like without electricity and running water in an apartment. Tough! Tonight I waited until after midnight to water my garden. The temp is STILL in the 80’s.

We are all dependent on soooooo many things working harmoniously together. We need to thank God for what we have now and pray that the future will be tolerable and even abundant. It sure feels like massive change is in our near future…..

“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?
the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom
shall I be afraid?”
~Psalm 27:1~

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear:
because fear hath torment. He that feareth is
not made perfect in love.”
~1 John 4:19~

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am
meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find
rest unto your souls.”
~Matthew 11:29~