Zeke and I are doing a lot of sighing

The reason Zeke is spending so much time out in the snow is because he doesn’t feel well. He has been mopey all day.  Me, too.

Tonight my upstairs neighbors came down for an hour or so. Zeke  is usually a show-off for them, dragging out toys and gulping down dog biscuits. Not today. He spent most of the time hiding behind either me or the tree in the corner. Aleka made up for both of us. She was all over the place. Even Aleka was worried about Zeke. It’s weird to see Zeke without a smile

Visiting was fun, but it took every ounce of strength I had. I felt horrible. I also did not dare move until after they left. I can’t even say I am having my period any more…I am having a flood. Bright red blood in copious amounts and lots of clots. The cramps just don’t ease up. I am sooooooo white! Good thing I have a doc appointment on Monday.

When my neighbors left I changed my clothes yet again and crawled in bed. I took the computer with me and tried to read blogs for fun and excitement. I did not stay flat very long before I had to jump up because of my ever present pool of blood. Sigh… Zeke has been sleeping on the floor next to me. He adds his sighs from time to time.

I gave up relaxing in bed and am back in my chair. I am sooooo miserable! I suppose I will give in and take a Vicodin soon. Then there’s the mental pain. Imagine wearing an oxygen hose with prongs up your nose for the rest of your life. Until you do it for a while, you can’t even imagine how restrictive and annoying that is! My nose is sore and my ears are VERY tired of hearing the hum and clank of the oxygen concentrator!!!!! Grrrrrrrrr…….

Yup…I used to be grateful for the extra oxygen. Now I feel worse physically and way more bonkers mentally. I need to find a shrink specializing in medical issues. I have been through an awful lot of health issues over the years. For now I feel crushed by it. The bouncy Wendy has had a flat. Hopefully it’s temporary.

AND…to top it off? My SSI is missing. It should have showed up in my bank account Friday. When it still wasn’t there before noon Saturday, I contacted the bank and was AMAZED to find someone there. She said nope… no payment for me and none in the pipeline. As I’ve thought of it all day, I vaguely remember a guy from Social Security saying something was messed up with my address. BIG SIGH…. I need to call on Monday and find out what the problem is.

Money is pretty important for paying my rent, the phone bill, buying food, etc. Zeke’s vet bill was $50, so even though I saved money by buying very little food, I had unexpected expenses. Not getting my disability check causes me to panic. Oh…I got another letter about food stamps yesterday. I need to send in even more documentation, so I still haven’t gotten any FS  since moving to this county. Sigh…  I want to just go hide….I’m too tired and sick…

Well…I’m a whole heck of a lot of fun….NOT!

Stubborn Zeke!

Zeke  would NOT come in the house. He refused to move, so at 7 AM I went back to bed and left him outside. When I woke up after 9 AM he grudgingly came in when I spoke sternly to him. He woke me back up at 1 PM to go out. He has two more round dog nest holes in the snow across the sidewalk. I stared at them quite a while before I realized that’s where the tractor tires stopped. When the maintenance man came through this morning with the BIG snowblower, Zeke must have refused to move for him.

Zeke is often out there when the guy goes by. He generally moves over near the back door and watches the tractor go by.  Today he obviously refused. The maintenance man must have had to back up and go back around the building. Geezum crow! What’s up with Zeke? He seems perky enough in the house. I wonder why he is refusing to move from his snow forts today?

When I wrote early this morning the temp was at 11. At 9AM it was only 3 degrees and even now has only gone up to 8 degrees. When Zeke was on my bed between trips outdoors,  I felt through his fur. It’s incredibly thick! In all the years he has been with me, it was never this multi-layered and heavy.

I keep the apartment at 65 degrees, but that’s too hot for Zeke.

I’m getting scared again

I started having my period two weeks ago and it’s only getting heavier by the hour. I hate Coumadin! I stopped taking it, but the effects aren’t going away. I have a doc appointment Monday. I hope I am well enough to drive there. Today I can’t walk very well and I can barely sit up. I am incredibly dizzy/fuzzy and have cramps from hell.

I usually refrain from saying or thinking this….but WHY ME???!!!???!!! I surrender! I am coming to the end of my rope…

Been up half the night

Good thing I got to sleep a long time yesterday! Zeke has been restless all night. He keeps waking me up to go outside. Zeke thinks he is a sled dog. He has two round, deep holes made in the snow on either side of the entrance. He goes outside, circles around and around and curls up in the hole. He tucks his nose under his tail and gets covered by the falling snow. Looks comfy

I got up to check on him and he has moved to the other deep hole. It’s 11 degrees out there with a brisk wind. Crazy dog!

To avoid dust bunnies…

moar funny pictures

Yessirreee, Bob!

moar funny pictures

This one hits a little too close to home!

You have GOT to watch this!!!

I’m back from the hospital

Today I had an echocardiogram. The last time I had one was right after my CHF miraculously got better. The bad one was 30-something%. The good one was just said to be “as good as a 17 year old”. Today’s was 65%. According to what I can find on the web…

The ejection fraction is the amount of blood pumped out with each heart beat and is a measure of the heart’s overall capacity and function. A normal ejection fraction is between 55 and 70%. Damage to heart from heart attack, heart muscle disease, or heart valve problems can contribute to a below-normal ejection fraction.

I am OK I am pretty darn good! YES!!!!!!!!!!!! The doc who did the test wasn’t supposed to tell me anything, so I had to listen REALLY carefully while he dictated over the phone. He sure could talk fast! My heart is only very slightly enlarged on the right side. I have a couple of valves that don’t quite close all the way, but basically my heart is JUST FINE!!!! 

Now to figure out what’s wrong with my lungs and why I need extra oxygen…..

Coumadin/Warfarin

I think it was meant to be that my anticoagulant meds came up missing. Even though I had looked through the two side pockets and dumped the entire contents of the purse out, I found the bottle today…hiding in an inside pocket of the purse. During the time it was missing, I did a lot of reading up on it’s use, over use and side effects. There is no way I want to continue taking that crap.

A HUGE number of deaths are officially caused by complications from the Warfarin….and those are just the reported ones. No tests have showed that any of my problems are due to blood clots. It was just a supposition. I’d have to be crazy to subject myself to daily doses of rat poison in the off chance I might get a blood clot. I’d rather die of the clot than endure the daily side effects.

I’m willing to take daily meds for myasthenia gravis and rheumatoid arthritis because I have tried many alternatives and the Mestinon and Motrin make a hugely positive difference in my life. Daily they improve my life by leaps and bounds. Warfarin is the opposite.

The more I studied up, the more I became concerned and then freaked out. I liken most meds to the quick fix of chemicals in a garden. It might make some of the plants look better for a while, but it’s killing the soil organisms and therefore the soil….to get the temporary effect. With organics, the soil is improved and the garden gets better every year.

No way. I’m not staying on that stuff…

Fantastic!

Oh, what a difference a new CPAP mask makes! I slept more than 9 hours straight without waking up I think I should send the nice young woman respiratory therapist an I LOVE YOU card!!! She went out of her way and worked over time to get that mask to me. Thank you!